Do you need an answer to a question about Australia?
Then try the Travel Information page first. Then see if your question is answered below:
- Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
- Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking
- Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water…
- Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.
- Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.
- Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)
A: Hey, what did your last slave die of?
- Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
- Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
- Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
- Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
- Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.
- Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
- Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
- Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
- Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
- Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.
- Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
- Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes, like taipans, blacks & adders, are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
- Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and scratch & bite anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine, purchased at the pharmacy, before you go out walking.
- Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
- Q: Will I be able to speek (sic) English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.