If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador
taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children
with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu
going to attend your cousin’s wedding.
If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and
play football , all while wearing a lungi tied half-mast, Malayali
If you have more than 5 relatives working in Dufaiii, Big Time
If you have the words “Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol” written on the rear
window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malaayli.
If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude
appan, guess what? You’re a Central Travancore Christian Malayali.
If you have more than three employee trade unions at your place of work
then ask no further, you are indeed a Malayali.
If you constantly refer to banana as “benana” or pizza as “pissa”
you’re a Malayali..
If you use coconut oil instead of refined vegetable oil and can’t
figure out why people in your family have congenital heart problems, you
might be a Malayali.
If you are going out to see a movie at the local theater with your wifey
wearing all the gold jewellery gifted to her by her parents, you are a
newly married Malayali..
If your idea of haute cuisine is kappa and meen curry, then, yes, you
are a Malayali..
If you have puttu – kadala for breakfast, beef olathu for lunch, and
beef curry with “borotta” for dinner, yeah, definitely Malalyali.
If your name Wilson , and your wife’s name is Baby, and you name your
daughter Wilby, have no doubts at all , you are a standard Malayali.
If you tie a towel around your head and burst into a raucous rendition
of the song “Kuttanaden Punjayile” after having three glasses of toddy,
then you are a hardcore Malayali.
If you call appetizers served with alcoholic beverages as “touchings”
then you are one helluva Malayali.
If you’re sick and your wifey rubs “Bicks” into your nostrils and gives
you “kurumulaku rasam” with chakkara, (grandma’s recipe) to help relieve
your symptoms, Damn!! You’re Malayali.